routine

of late life has been a routine.....well at least i feel like an object of routine in de eyes of de person i luv most....how comfortin that is...i feel as if he takes me fr granted....n that i am not close to him anymore....this may partially be bcos i feel as if i am moving away too....more of a cant be bothered attitude....i feel like a puppet, played with when bored n in need of company, chucked away when not needed....now the question is y shld i even bother tryin? it's like clappin wid one hand....every talk(read:argument) we have he makes it sound as if its my fault....it doesnt help that it's in a long distance rship....i feel threatened.... i feel this is not right....n de more i feel that way the more i tend to not care.....i hv given up hope on men....esp thse of my age grp....some matured ones knws how to treat a girl...i dun need mch pampering (i hope!) but yes, bein in a r'ship i do expect sum intimacy.....maybe am i jst a prostitute when i am wid him? i hv nvr felt that way stayin wid him....maybe once a while whn he's too rough....doubtin the fact that i wldnt feel the same whn i go back this time? i know i am becomin less n less tolerant....esp when i knw there's ppl out thr who r rude to him, n yet i go to great lengths not to be....maybe i am bein overcritical of stff? maybe i am bein an object of routine? maybe de end is near?