greetings!

*long post ahead*
hey, how hv u been goin?! all good?!!! i hope so...its mid sem break next week...unless ur hvg exams/assignments due tom....u shld already be in de holiday mood! so to thse who r hvg ur wuteva due soon....all de best!!! n to those who hv ntg up, wut de heck r u doin readin this....go get sloshed!
well as for me, this past 5 or so weeks have been tough...very hard in fact....it seems to me, as i move forward, more challenging stuff i face, emotionally and physically...n mentally too...i am emotionally and mentally very sick....n very tired physically....my emotions hv been a roller coaster ride....
the first 2 weeks was ultimately hard...everything was rough....much of wuteva i said n did was interpreted in a wrong way...i was dissatisfied wid many things...n i was bein very rude abt my opinions....nt tlkg to anyone much....mainly bcos i was tired.....sick of bein shoved ard like a rug...i felt very used, and ultimately taken fr granted....it's as if i was too nice all the time, the ppl ard me started taking advantage of that....it's one thing to do that, but to come bck to me n cause me even more anger jst blew my hats off....
bt i did sit down abt 3 weeks plus back....to hv a good think abt wuteva that was goin on...n came up to a few conclusions, hence decisions...so i am gonna change myself (yet again!)....cos i found myself to be too nice...many who r my associates(hi-bye friends)....-see how i dun refer to them as friends anymore-.....r gonna remain as associates.....i am gonna see them n am not gonna act anymore (but sumtimes i dun think i wld still have a choice cos sum ppl cant even take me ignoring them, but de best part is they still hv the cheek to be rude to me! haha! <--that was a sarcastic-cum-egoistic laugh)
in the process of bein hurt i was so very angry....ultimately bcos i let others to use me to start with....i was too nice n play-doh like.....u chuck me one side, i get into that shape n move on....what i wasnt realising was how it was affectin me....n how i let it affect me bcos i din wanna hurt the other party (whoeva it is, if u feel guilty readin this, then its best u hv a good think n see if wuteva i'm sayin is related to u, if not, ur not related to this matter at all....that or ur a masive piece of pig ileum)...i learnt so many things abt myself...abt ppl....n everythg else abt me n my relationship with ppl...so yeah...i am gonna change myself...n i am gonna make sum changes to suit that decisions...
firstly...i am gonna delete this blog....the whole reason i started this blog was fr it to function as my venting area...all i want after a day's of hard work is to come back n bitch....n i wanna bitch widout de ppl ard me readin abt it...yeah i know i'm pretty foul n vulgar real life....i'm worst online (understatement of the year, i know)...i sumhow lost my passion to write sumwhr along the line.....n yes, thats bad cos i cant freakin vent freely!
i am really thinking abt deletin my whole friendster to start with...it has brought me more harm den good from start....yeah sure i can be connected to so n so...n camwhore n put up photos....bt this whole shit bores me to death now....more so ever when i get ppl jst sending friends' requests to me...even tho i put a biiiiiiigggg arse shoutout der to tell ppl to fuckin intro urself lah bloody shit eatin earthworm, i can count the number of ppl who even bothered to send me a msg introducin themselves!!! come on lah mr. earthworm....in real life do u really jst go up to a fucker by de side of de road n say....wei macha, i wanna be ur fren....faster gv me ur number...holy cow no rite!!! no wonder they're earthworms....but uc i'm soo bloody nice rite....i msg them, oi fucker intro urself lah...u think u wat, brad pitt or shah rukh khan(this is specifically for de indian guys who pose like wild boars)....den obviously these machas hv got nothin better to do other than thanni (drink) n go fuck prostitutes rite....so obviously they're too high either frm cheap alcohol or sum bitch suckin off their antenna lah...they never reply....then uc after a few weeks...u'll get a msg...wei...y never add...u think wat u aiswarya rai is it?! my reply....yeah, thats y u wanted to add me rite, cos i so beautiful!
digressing, those r jst small stuff that irritates de hell out of me lah....on a good day it doesnt affect me...de last thing i need on a bad day is earthworms like these mkg me wanting to flush them down the toilet bowl...
that said, friendster has also made me hv like a connection kinda thingy wid my ex-schoolmates....n i met sum good friends thru this thing....argh i'm really goin backs n forths now....
but seriously lah....friendster has brought me a lot more unpleasant experiences....many of which is caused by my own stupidness....but u knw, at that time i din know...now i do...n i am gonna learn frm it....
i dunno if this change is fr good or fr de bad...bt wut i knw is i am in a way buildin a wall ard me....cos i dun wanna be hurt anymore...it hurts so bad when sumone takes advantage of me...it hurts even more when i feel as if i let them hurt me....i'm taking things positively...i am seein this all as a learnin experience....this is just my way of mkg sure my brain hv control over my emotions, n so that i have a clear, practical mind ALL the time...
to those who think ur greater than me, haha yea sure wuteva lah....i didnt even say i was great to start with....here, take MY (hard-earned) 10 cents n save up for ur vibrator of sum sort....ur obviously fuckin lonely n in desperate need of sum entertainment...
on another note, thanks u guys who hv been readin my blog....especially those who take the time n trouble to either msg me, or talk to me abt it when they see me to cheer me up....i appreciate u guys' takin ur time n trouble doin all that...it's very genuine n thse kinda stuff really makes me feel warm....again, thank u...
i guess i will hv to do wut i hv to do...take good care of urselves guys....cheers! 09-12-2007 at 08:52 AM